I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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