My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
