it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
