Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
