yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
