I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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