I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
