Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
