Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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