she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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