I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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