The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
