I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize