i'm lost and i look like a hooker
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
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