a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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