My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
