theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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