so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
