My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
