Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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