were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
