in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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