how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
