found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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