just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
