are you still at the devil's house?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize