Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
