At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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