I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
