When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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