I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize