Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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