He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
