There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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