i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
