After last night, I could never be a politician.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize