Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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