The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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