Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
