I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
