Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
