I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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