The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She announced her abortion via fbk
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
