I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
