i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
