all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
