Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
