dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
