Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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