I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He better not be in your backpack
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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