i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
