i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize