Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you win again, gameday.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
