What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I want her autograph on my taint
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
