i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
