Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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