Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
