you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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