ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
