wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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