I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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