Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
