omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
