listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish you could order shots online.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Randomize
