even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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