I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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