even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
