Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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