I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
