your room smells of hookers.
And success
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
