I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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