I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
try to milk me bitch
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
