i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I party with great urgency now.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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