Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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