The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just want to make out with him forever
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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