I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
