It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
