Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
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