Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
