I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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