Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
