His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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