Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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