you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
