He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
