Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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