i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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