You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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