She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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