I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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