I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
