I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize