My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
