Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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