Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
