I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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