Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
