I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
