the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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