I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
