laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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