4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize