and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
