the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
