this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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