this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
