yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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