I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize