Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
